“If you’re always with Mr. Wrong, you’ll never meet Mr. Right,” a friend once advised me after draping my relationship malaise all over her. Rather than letting this cliche breeze past me, I pondered it. I realized there was more to it than just if you’re with person A, you can’t meet person B.
It meant you must free yourself of the emotional angst tied to the wrong person in order to be emotionally prepared to meet the right person.
Yet, too often you find yourself entangled in a sticky dating web – either confused, worried, blaming, regretting, or otherwise left wondering what the hell is going on with whomever.
It is pivotal to realize when someone is not right for you – but how do you know?
It always begins the same way – you are dazzled by his dimples, excited by his globe-trotting lifestyle, or in awe of the way he treats Dorothy, the 84 year old lady in your building. There is just something about him.
You are drawn in and begin down a path with Mr. Dimples. The path is full of surprise, discovery, and unwavering attention you gladly indulge in. You feel desired, respected, and your confidence grows. You are intoxicated with the flattery – and you are intoxicated with the possibilities.
You continue to unveil things about his lifestyle, habits, and character. You discover his Sunday morning ritual of eating a bear claw while scrolling his Twitter feed, his habit of using the dryer as a sock drawer, and you’ll find out if he calls his mum on Mother’s Day or not.
You go through the entire dating process to eventually discover that, yet again, he isn’t the right person for you. Maybe he isn’t on the same spiritual path, or he’s not intellectually challenging, or he hates your idea of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro together, or he leaves bear claw crumbs all over the bed.
But you ignore the red flags and continue down the same path because you are intoxicated by the attention or you are afraid of being alone. You fight to secure your self-worth and happiness through this person. You continue to be dazzled by his dimples and how he helps Dorothy with the groceries. You zoom in on these traits and you put blinders on to avoid the red flags.
Yet, it is a necessity to use logic and practicality in dating. Too often, emotions and feelings are the drivers of a relationship – they seize our minds and control our actions, leading us to unwanted destinations, all while logic is pushed to the side, screaming for a chance to participate. Logic and practicality is needed in the realization of the right partner!
We need to learn practical tactics for dealing with the dating world. Therefore, I bring you seven common signs you are dating the wrong person:
1. YOU DON’T SHARE THE SAME VIEWPOINTS ON IMPORTANT TOPICS
It’s important that you share similar viewpoints on topics that will comprise your future family’s core values. For example, if you want to raise children in the Greek Orthodox Church, and your partner is part of the New Age movement, there may be an issue.
2. YOU DON’T SHARE COMPATIBLE LIFESTYLES
Incompatible lifestyles will only cause frustration and friction. For example, if you are a passionate environmentalist vegetarian who only buys local, organic, non-GMO, fair-trade, pesticide-free, chemical-free groceries from Tom at the co-op – I doubt you will want to date a Monsanto employee with a hefty diet of beef-stuffed hot pockets.
3. YOU’RE PUTTING IN MORE EFFORT
In the beginning he was showering you with attention, but lately you don’t feel the same amount of effort on his part. Every relationship should have an equal amount of give and take, and when one party begins to falter, it’s time to confront the issue or move on.
4. YOU DON’T FEEL RESPECTED
Everyone puts their best foot forward in the initial stage to win over the object of their desire. However, true character is revealed after the novelty fades. His appreciation and respect for you should remain constant, and if it doesn’t, it may be time to realize your self-worth and move on.
5. YOU DON’T FEEL INSPIRED
The right relationship should push and inspire you to become a better version of yourself. These include meaningful conversations about life goals and supporting each other in accomplishing these feats. You want to finally write that novel? A great example of the right person is someone who would push you to signup for a writing course and offer to read your writing assignments.
6. YOU WOULDN’T NORMALLY BE FRIENDS
Friendship is the basis of any solid relationship. A true friendship means you enjoy doing things together and you trust each other enough to share things about your life. Ask yourself, would I be friends with this person if we weren’t dating?
7. YOU CAN’T BE COMPLETELY OPEN AND HONEST
The right relationship allows you to feel safe and secure in your communication. You should feel that your partner is trustworthy, nonjudgemental, and will openly discuss issues or concerns you have.
Dating the wrong person has malicious effects – it leaves you feeling empty and diffident. It feels like a constant ebb-and-flow of struggle and emotion. Allow logic and practicality to snatch the wheel and relieve the hard work your heart has been doing. Because in the end, you head and your heart must work in unison to bring you Mr. Right.