Gratitude and Connection: How The Practice Of Gratitude Can Benefit Your Love Life
5 minute read
As the holidays approach, our thoughts turn to the time-honored traditions of gratitude typically associated with Thanksgiving. This festive period encourages us to pause, reflect on our good fortunes, and express appreciation for the people and things that enrich our lives. Often, this sentiment finds its place in our homes, where we gather around the table to share what we're thankful for. The feel-good energy felt with sharing thanks extends beyond the holidays though, with the practice of gratitude being a common method of self development and mindset work. As we associate gratitude with working towards being our best selves, we can connect this to the work we do towards love and relationships. With this in mind, we can introduce gratitude as a means for becoming a better potential partner when in search of love as well as cultivating more fulfilling relationships once we’ve found it.
Internal Benefits of Practicing Gratitude
Internally, practicing gratitude significantly benefits our mindset, self-esteem, and overall state of being.
Incorporating gratitude into your daily routine can increase your overall happiness. Anthony de Mello, author of The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello, leads a meditation on attachment and happiness where he explains that "life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you." He explains that by shifting focus from what you want, to gratitude for what you have, life gets better. Commonly, we create narratives in our minds of things we want but remain out of reach. De Mello proposes that we replace this narrative we create in our heads of want and attachment with a new world of gratitude and joy. Once we’ve started to replace our old way of thinking for the new, we can activate a cycle of gratitude where this more optimistic and positive mindself further attracts more positive experiences in the future.
Numerous studies have documented the benefits of practicing gratitude and support de Mello’s meditative recommendation. Notably, individuals who regularly express gratitude tend to experience higher levels of happiness, exhibit more positive emotions, and report improved physical and mental health.
Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, conducted a study investigating positive psychology interventions in daily tasks. Each participant in the study was given a daily task followed by a survey scoring their emotional states. When tasked with writing a letter of gratitude participants experienced an immediate and substantial surge in their happiness scores.
In addition to an increase in happiness, research supports the correlation between gratitude and higher self-esteem as well. This increase is attributed to the intentional acknowledgment of things to be grateful for and recognizing the goodness in others, contributing to a stronger sense of self-value and recognizing goodness within.
As we work to cultivate gratitude within, we begin to appreciate the richness of our experiences and relationships, allowing us to approach external connections from a place of abundance rather than scarcity. This newfound confidence and happiness enable us to engage more openly, empathetically, and authentically, establishing healthier, more meaningful connections. Ultimately, this process of personal growth lays the foundation for creating stronger and more fulfilling connections. It prepares us to be our best selves, which inturn helps us be a better partner.
Benefits Of Gratitude In Relationships
Gratitude holds immense importance in nurturing healthy and fulfilling relationships. It serves as a foundational practice in expressing commitment to our partners and building trust through small yet impactful daily actions and affirmations.
Once in a relationship, the presence of gratitude can form a cycle of appreciation, relationship maintenance, and mutual efforts. This cycle, described by psychologist Dr. Gordon, emphasizes that feelings of gratefulness lead to a desire to sustain the relationship, subsequently fostering efforts to nurture and maintain it. Similar to the cycle of creating more positive experiences for yourself with internal gratitude, this feedback loop helps partners feel more appreciated. This positive feeling encourages more acts of generosity, love, and forgiveness, perpetuating the cycle, and ultimately contributing to relationship longevity.
Researchers also found that gratitude within relationships predicts the likelihood of couples staying together, serving as a predictor of relationship durability and stability. Gratitude demonstrates its unique power in acting as a sort of “booster shot” for relationships, giving it a little extra push towards the positive. Studied interactions revealed that expressing gratitude led to an increase in positive relationship scores among participating couples, with reports indicating that acts of gratitude made them feel closer to their partners and resulted in higher relationship satisfaction. In addition to mentally positivity reactions, expressing gratitude triggers the release of happy hormones including oxytocin. This physiological response benefits both the giver and receiver by enhancing feelings of love and care towards each other, contributing to a mutual sense of fulfillment.
Authors as well have noted the practice of gratitude as a significant tool in relationship maintenance. In his book, 8 Dates, John Gottman emphasizes the significance of nurturing gratitude right from the start of a relationship, making note of it in “Date 1: Trust & Commitment.” Gottman recommends practicing gratitude to avoid resentment and avoid utilizing negativity to deal with emotions. He positions the practice of gratitude as a cornerstone for future growth and connection, communicating with positivity. As highlighted in Fierce Intimacy, Terence Real makes note of the immense impact of gratitude, citing it as a potent tool for creating your desired relationship and life. The simple yet profound principle of appreciating what you already have stands as a catalyst for positive change within the relationship.
Conclusion
If you’re looking for love this holiday season, or just a more meaningful way to strengthen connections, all signs (and research) point towards gratitude. The practice of gratitude is a multifaceted tool, providing benefits into both personal growth and relationship enhancement.
Firstly, gratitude acts as a catalyst for personal development by nurturing a positive outlook and mindset. Embracing gratitude helps you to focus on the positives present in your life rather than fixating on perceived deficiencies. This practice builds a foundation mindset of growth, allowing you to navigate life's challenges with increased resilience, optimism, and a deeper sense of self.
Simultaneously, gratitude becomes a cornerstone in strengthening external connections. Its presence within relationships creates an environment where appreciation and acknowledgment thrive. Moreover, the practice of gratitude paves the way for open and honest communication, allowing couples to navigate conflicts with empathy and understanding, further nurturing healthier and more resilient relationships.
Thanksgiving is a holiday dedicated to giving gratitude for the things we have and those around us. It's a perfectly timed opportunity to introduce the practice of gratitude into your mindset routine and let this positive practice impact your connections.