Ambiance Matchmaking Meet Attractive Singles
Ambiance Matchmaking Meet Attractive Singles

How To Get To Know Someone On A Deep Level

In the exciting world of dating, getting past surface-level small talk and truly connecting with someone can be a challenge. Understanding how to get to know someone on a deep level is key to determining if they are a compatible match. In this article, we'll explore tips and strategies to help you learn how to get to know someone on a deep level in the beginning stages of dating, allowing you to form a meaningful connection with your potential partner.

Prioritize open and honest communication

When starting a new relationship, it's essential to prioritize open and honest communication. This means being vulnerable and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Encourage your partner to do the same by asking open-ended questions that promote deeper conversation.

Imagine you've just started dating someone, and you have a history of anxiety. You may feel hesitant to share this information for fear of judgment or rejection. However, being vulnerable means opening up about your experiences and emotions, even when it's difficult. In this situation, you could say something like, "I want to share something personal with you. I've struggled with anxiety in the past, and sometimes it still affects me. I wanted you to know this because I trust you and want our relationship to be built on openness and honesty."

5 open-ended questions to promote deeper conversation:

  1. What are some of the most significant life experiences that have shaped who you are today?
  2. How would you describe your relationship with your family? Can you tell me more about the role they've played in your life?
  3. What are some of your long-term goals and dreams, and how do you plan on achieving them?
  4. What are your core values, and how do they influence the decisions you make in your life?
  5. Can you share an experience or situation where you faced a challenge and learned something important about yourself?

Share your values and beliefs

Understanding each other's values and beliefs is a crucial aspect of getting to know someone on a deep level. Take the time to discuss topics such as family, religion, and personal values, as these conversations provide insight into the person's character and can help you understand how to get to know someone on a deep level.

For example, you might say, "Growing up, my family had a strong emphasis on the importance of education and hard work. We also celebrated our cultural and religious traditions, which has shaped my values and beliefs today. How about you? What was your family like growing up, and how have those experiences influenced your values and beliefs?" By initiating the conversation with an open and curious mindset, you create an environment where both of you can share your thoughts and experiences comfortably. Remember to listen actively, ask follow-up questions, and respect your date's perspective, even if it's different from yours. This will lead to a more profound understanding of each other and build a strong foundation for a deep connection.

Practice active listening

Active listening is a vital skill for getting to know someone on a deep level. Pay close attention to what your partner is saying, and offer verbal or nonverbal cues to show that you're engaged in the conversation. This demonstrates your genuine interest in getting to know them and creates a sense of trust and understanding between both parties. 

Verbal and nonverbal cues for active listening:

  1. Maintain eye contact: Eye contact shows the speaker that you're focused on them and their message.
  2. Nodding: Nodding your head occasionally indicates that you're following the conversation and understand what's being shared.
  3. Facial expressions: Use facial expressions, such as a smile or a concerned look, to convey empathy and understanding.
  4. Verbal affirmations: Use words and phrases like "I see," "Right," and "I understand" to show you're engaged in the conversation.
  5. Paraphrasing: Restate the speaker's message in your own words to demonstrate that you've absorbed their message and to clarify any potential misunderstandings.
  6. Asking open-ended questions: Encourage the speaker to elaborate and share more by asking questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer.
  7. Pausing before responding: Give yourself a moment to process the speaker's message before responding, showing that you're considering their thoughts and feelings.

Take part in shared experiences

Engaging in activities together, such as trying new hobbies, attending cultural events, or participating in community projects, can help you learn more about your partner's interests and how they react in different situations. These shared experiences also create memories that strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

10 date ideas to get to know someone on a deeper level:

  1. Take a walk in nature: Choose a scenic trail or park and engage in deep conversations while enjoying the beauty and serenity of nature.
  2. Visit an art gallery or museum: Discuss the art pieces or exhibits, sharing your personal interpretations and insights, which can lead to deeper conversations about values, beliefs, and emotions.
  3. Attend a workshop or class together: Choose a topic or activity that interests both of you, such as cooking, painting, or dancing. Learning something new together can foster deeper connections and reveal aspects of each other's personalities.
  4. Volunteer together: Participate in a community service project or volunteer at a local charity. This experience can help you understand each other's values, passions, and commitment to making a difference.
  5. Play the "questions game": Set aside time during a date to ask each other thought-provoking, open-ended questions. This can reveal deeper aspects of your personalities, values, and experiences.
  6. Create a vision board: Spend an afternoon creating individual vision boards for your future goals and aspirations. Sharing your dreams and desires can lead to a deeper understanding of one another's motivations and priorities.
  7. Explore a new city or town: Plan a day trip to a nearby town or city, discovering its history, culture, and local attractions. Engaging in new experiences together can promote deeper conversations and bonding.
  8. Attend a poetry or book reading: Share your thoughts and feelings about the content, and discuss how it resonates with your personal experiences, beliefs, or emotions.
  9. Plan a themed movie night: Select movies that explore thought-provoking themes or emotions, and discuss how they impacted you personally, which can lead to deeper conversations and understanding.
  10. Participate in a guided meditation or yoga session: Engaging in mindfulness activities together can help you both become more in tune with your emotions, fostering a deeper connection and understanding of one another's emotional states.

Ask about their past experiences

Inquiring about your date’s past experiences, including their upbringing, previous relationships, and life challenges, allows you to gain a deeper understanding of who they are as a person. Be respectful and empathetic when discussing sensitive topics, and remember that trust is built over time.

It might be best to wait until your third date, after you already built a good rapport by discussing shared interests and experiences. To inquire about their past experiences, you can gently shift the conversation to their upbringing, previous relationships, and life challenges using the following approach:

  1. Upbringing: Start by sharing something about your own upbringing, like a fond childhood memory, an important lesson your parents taught you, or a family tradition. Then, ask your date about their family background and childhood experiences. You might say, "I grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other. My parents always emphasized the importance of helping our neighbors. What was your childhood like? What values or lessons were important in your family?"
  2. Previous relationships: You can share a brief story about a past relationship, highlighting what you learned from that experience or how it contributed to your personal growth. This can open the door to discussing your date's previous relationships. For example, "In my last relationship, I learned the importance of communication and trust. I'm grateful for that experience because it helped me understand what I want in a future partner. What about you? Have you had any significant relationships in the past, and what have you learned from them?"
  3. Life challenges: Share a personal challenge you've faced and how you overcame it, emphasizing the growth and resilience that resulted from that experience. Then, invite your date to share their own challenges or obstacles they've faced. You could say, "I went through a tough period a few years ago when I lost my job. It was challenging, but it pushed me to reassess my career goals and ultimately led me to a more fulfilling path. Have you experienced any significant challenges or setbacks in your life? How did you overcome them, and what did you learn from the experience?"

Observe their body language

Body language often reveals more about a person than words alone. Pay attention to your partner's nonverbal cues, such as eye contact, posture, and facial expressions, to gain insight into their thoughts and emotions. This awareness will help you communicate more effectively and understand each other on a deeper level.

5 common body languages and what they mean:

  1. Crossed arms: Crossed arms can be a sign of defensiveness, discomfort, or insecurity. When someone crosses their arms, they may be creating a physical barrier between themselves and others, signaling that they are not open to what is being said or discussed. However, it can also be a sign of simply feeling cold or a habit that the person is not consciously aware of.
  2. Eye contact: Maintaining good eye contact often signifies engagement, attentiveness, and confidence. When someone is making eye contact while speaking or listening, it can indicate that they are genuinely interested in the conversation and the person they are talking to. However, prolonged, unbroken eye contact can sometimes be perceived as aggressive or intimidating.
  3. Mirroring: Mirroring is when someone subconsciously copies the body language or gestures of the person they are interacting with. This can be a sign of rapport, empathy, and a desire to establish a connection. For example, if one person leans forward while speaking, the other person might also lean forward, reflecting their engagement and interest in the conversation.
  4. Touching the face or neck: Touching the face or neck can be a sign of nervousness, stress, or insecurity. People often touch these areas unconsciously when they feel uncomfortable or unsure of themselves. For example, someone might rub their neck while speaking about a difficult topic, signaling their unease or anxiety about the subject matter.
  5. Open palms: Displaying open palms, whether resting on a table or gesturing during conversation, can be a sign of openness, honesty, and a willingness to connect. When someone shows their palms, it can indicate that they are being transparent and have nothing to hide. This body language cue can help to build trust and create a sense of ease in the conversation.

Support their personal growth

Supporting your partner's personal growth and encouraging them to pursue their passions demonstrates that you genuinely care about their happiness and well-being. By nurturing their individuality, you also create a foundation for a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

Let’s say your date is pursuing photography as a hobby or career. To support your date’s personal growth, you could:

  1. Show genuine interest and ask more questions about their photography journey, such as how they got started, what type of photography they enjoy, and their favorite subjects to photograph.
  2. Offer encouragement by complimenting their enthusiasm and talent, and express your belief in their ability to succeed in pursuing their passion.
  3. Share any resources or connections you might have related to photography, such as recommending a local photography class, introducing them to a photographer friend who could offer tips and guidance, or suggesting websites, books, or online courses that could help them enhance their skills.
  4. Plan a date activity that involves their passion for photography, such as visiting a local art gallery with a photography exhibit, going on a nature walk to take photos together, or attending a photography workshop.
  5. Be understanding and supportive of the time and effort they may need to invest in their personal growth, such as practicing their photography skills, attending workshops, or working on their portfolio. Encourage them to prioritize their passion and make time for it, even if it means occasionally spending less time together.

Getting to know someone on a deep level takes time and patience. Remember that building a strong connection requires ongoing effort from both partners. By staying curious, open, and committed to the process, you'll gradually develop a deep understanding of one another and form a lasting bond. Getting to know someone on a deep level takes time and patience. Remember that building a strong connection requires ongoing effort from both partners. By staying curious, open, and committed to the process, you'll gradually learn how to get to know someone on a deep level, forming a lasting bond.

Interested in matchmaking services?

Ambiance Matchmaking is a high-end matchmaking service for conscious leaders, creatives, & entrepreneurs. Since 2002, we have built networks of high-quality singles in San Francisco, Austin, and more. Complete an application to get started.

Leslie Wardman

Leslie is the Founder and Matchmaker of Ambiance Matchmaking. Her 30 years in the matchmaking industry has given her one-of-a-kind insight and intuition in the dating and relationship space. In her writing, she combines her own personal experience with dating, marriage, and divorce, with the knowledge gained from working with hundreds of thousands of singles. She is the author of Love, Dating & The Beatles and is currently writing her second book, Marriage & The 17-Year Itch.

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