Vanessa Ringel on Creating Romantic Chemistry

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Our guest today is Vanessa Ringel. Vanessa is the founder of GRAVITĀS, a neuro-coaching company that has empowered hundreds of women to manifest love. She is certified in spiritual psychology and neuro-linguistic programming, otherwise known as NLP, as well as having a professional background as the head matchmaker at Three Day Rule.

Her trainings focus on the subconscious mind and breaking free from self-limiting patterns. She used her own trainings to manifest the love of her life, to which she is happily married, and now helps hundreds of singles manifest love, attract their ideal partner and get out of their own way so they can have more fulfilling relationships. Though she can help people unblock themselves and create new possibilities in really any area of life, whether it's business, health, spirituality, etc. If you want to find out more about Vanessa Ringel, go to be begravitas.com or connect with her on the socials @begravitas.

Topics discussed:

• What is neuro-linguistic programming and how we can use it to unblock ourselves and manifest conscious love.
• How to break free from limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.
• How the subconscious mind affects who we feel chemistry with and how we can NLP to create more chemistry and attract our ideal partner.
• Matchmaking and the trend toward self-growth.
• Yuga cycles and the emergence of a new consciousness.
• Hypnosis and how to access the quantum field through deep meditative states.
• Collective consciousness and “entanglement.”
• And much, much more.

Without further ado my conversation with Vanessa Ringel.

Vanessa (03:19):

I'm so excited to be here. We have a lot in common in terms of our background.

Taylor (03:25):

Yes. I'm super excited. These are two of my two favorite topics, science and love. I feel like we talk about it for hours.

Vanessa (03:32):

Oh my God. I can talk about it nonstop.

What is neuro-linguistic programming and how we can use it to manifest conscious love

Taylor (03:36):

There's so many different directions we could go, but there's one topic that I really, really want to get into first, and that is neuro-linguistic programming, which I think that's like the basis of your work, right? That's what you use to go basically into the subconscious mind and get into these like deep, profound states where we're more susceptible to information and that's what makes it easier to change on an identity level. You're more prone to change on this kind of subconscious, deeper level.

Vanessa (04:13):

Yeah. Your deepest core beliefs are your identity beliefs and they're just beliefs. People think that they're true. They believe that when you believe something, you are a hundred percent sure it's true. And the thing is, it's not. If you're like, I am a commitment-phobic person, you’re telling yourself that's who you are. And then you believe that and you behave that way, but it's a choice because you can really change that. You can actually suddenly decide, you know what? I am someone who loves commitment. I love committing to things and I am very good at committing. And when you really believe it and rewire it within yourself deeply, then you suddenly take different actions and manifest a different reality.

Taylor (04:56):

Right. And that can change in an instant. That story can change in an instant, which I think is so amazing. But I want to start just from the very basics… I think I just inhaled a gnat, sorry!

Vanessa (05:13):

That is such a Mexico experience. People should know we're doing this from Puerto Vallarta. Both of us! What are the chances?

Taylor (05:26):

Yeah what a coincidence. I love it. So let's start from the very basics. What is neuro-linguistic programming?

Vanessa (05:41):

Neuro-Linguistic programming is the study of the language of the mind. So how your brain is interpreting everything and wiring itself. And so, neuro comes from neurology, linguistic programming is how your brain is programmed through linguistics. It goes very deep, very quickly because you get to the root cause; you get to the beliefs with everything. And with NLP, the philosophy is that everything in your life is a story that you're telling yourself and that you've extracted meaning from, and that's informing your decisions and how you're living your life. And the story is subjective and it can be changed. So it's very exciting because at any point you can change your story and therefore have different beliefs. It opens up so many possibilities. Another way of saying it is it’s a map of the world; everyone has a different map of the world. It completely changed my life.

Taylor (06:40):

Yeah. I'm curious how you stumbled upon it. I've actually never really heard of it until recently. And then I started thinking about how, okay, these concepts are so intertwined with some of these other concepts that I've been studying over the last few years intensively. I'd kind of just yet fallen down this rabbit hole of self-growth through these different modalities. I mean, not specifically NLP, but through deep, profound meditative states, plant medicines, and even brainwave training. There's so many different modalities to change your thought patterns and your brainwaves. I find this topic just so interesting. There's so many different ways I can go. My mind is spinning.

Vanessa (07:42):

Yeah, there's so many different paths to the same thing. This is one tool and I use a variety of different tools. I've never tried plant medicine but I've been told that it's similar in the sense that it does rewire and create new neural pathways very quickly. But I know some people are scared to do that. I've been scared to try that. I would try it at some point, maybe, but with (NLP) you don't have that potential kind of risk that can come with plant medicine.

Taylor (08:18):

Right. That makes sense. I think plant medicine can be beautiful, but at the same time, it’s a shortcut in a way which is great for people that want to just kind of go straight for it. But I've been experimenting more with with meditation. For example, I just recently did a 10 day silent meditation retreat where I was able to reach these super profound meditative states that were similar to plant medicine.

Vanessa (08:56):

Did you do Vipassana?

Taylor (08:57):

No, I didn’t do Vipassana. I would love to after doing this experience; it was really beautiful. But no, this one was in Mazunte, Oaxaca in a place called Hridaya Yoga. They did six hours (of meditation) per day, but it was broken up; two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon and two at night so there were lots of breaks, which was very helpful. But I was shocked at some of the experiences I had in that retreat and how similar they were with some of my experienced with plant medicines or psychedelics. But to me it was a much more natural state, which seemed more more genuine, more real.

Vanessa (09:36):

Yeah, you tap into your subconscious and the critical mind or conscious mind starts to relax at some point, and then you're able to tap into the subconscious and all these things come out. The difference with what I do is that it's more directed. So I do exercises that direct you in a very specific way. I'm trained to see limiting beliefs. And so through that I'll find what's blocking you from creating what you want, a<nd then we get to the root of it and rewire it. So it's very customized and specific to each person and very directed versus sometimes with plant medicine, I've seen people have incredible epiphanies and have very life-changing experiences that are very positive, and I've also seen people go down a very dark road because sometimes it's not guided enough. So it kind of depends where you're at and how much you're able to, not control your journey, but direct your journey.

Taylor (10:33):

Yeah, the integration is so important. I figured that out rather quickly. I can tell you if you don't have someone there to guide you or help you, or even just a community to help you integrate, it’s very difficult.

Vanessa (10:47):

Yeah, people will have huge epiphanies and then not do anything about it.

Taylor (10:51):

Right. You don't know how to move forward with new information that was downloaded from the unified field. It can be tricky. So what would you say are some of the best applications of using an NLP?

Vanessa (11:09):

So I would say, a lot of it is just that. I do it with hypnosis sometimes. But what makes NLP so powerful is that you can change how you see things. So, you know, around 50% of your memories are made up. So you are only really remembering around 50% of what happened and then the rest of it is interpretation. Humans are really good at seeing patterns, but we're very bad at getting meaning out of it, deciding the interpretation. So when you interpret things a certain way, and then you create a certain belief, its subconscious, it's directing your life and you're calling it fate, right? People think, oh, this is just happening to me, but you're actually making it happen to you. And so with NLP, I listen to how you're speaking, the words specifically that you're using, and then I see those limiting beliefs.

I think you really do need someone else to do it for you because we all have blocks. I've had coaches that have helped me see my blocks and see my limiting beliefs. Because we all have blind spots. You know, like I can't see behind me. That's part of being human. So you need someone that can help you see your blind spots and can help you to change what's been getting in your way, because if you keep hitting a wall, there's a reason and doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result is the definition of crazy.

Taylor (12:50):

It’s so true. It reminds me of doing this seminar, The Landmark Forum. That was over a decade ago. That was my first taste of like, oh, you know what, my whole story maybe isn’t 100% accurate or true. They do this whole thing about, okay, this is what happened, and then this is your story about what happened, and it collapses into one bubble and you can't really determine what's truth. It's just your story that’s true, even though it might not have actually happened. So that was my first introduction to the whole concept. But just that piece of information was so powerful. Actually you said something in the beginning and it reminded me of one of their ongoing themes or their quote. And that was… hold on I’m going to butcher this… “When you believe that everything is nothing, then comes the possibility of anything,” or something to that effect. It's saying that nothing is as it seems and you can create from nothing. Learning that concept guided my life after that.

Vanessa (14:08):

Yeah. I can't tell you how many clients I've seen completely transform their lives so quickly. Myself included, you know, when I was able to see through all that story that I had been telling myself and that I had been absorbing from childhood and from other people's beliefs too that you take on. Some of them are epigenetic. Some of them could be from the womb. They could be from different things, like things you observed that were told to you when you were little. Also, I don't know if you believe in past lives, but some people have come to me and they I mean, I don't know if I even believe in it, but I've seen people that have had incredible epiphanies and life-changing experiences because they've released something from a past life that they have been carrying with them and that has been directing a lot of the things that they're doing now.

Who knows what's true and what's not true, but it doesn't even matter. The point is that their whole life changed when they were able to release something from there. I've seen how it works. And really the number one thing is being open to it. People who come to me and they're very close minded and like, “This is my story I'm right” and “Poor me, I'm a victim and all of these horrible things happen to me” and sticking to that and holding on to it. Really it's the ego holding onto it. And if they let their ego take charge, then they're going to be right but they're not going to be happy. So it's a choice. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?

Taylor (15:40):

Yeah, for sure. It's like you're working with their whole Default Mode Network, right? I was just reading How To Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan. It talks about the whole Default Mode Network. That's the part of the brain that controls thinking in the past, and also in the future and kind of like this worrying and self-reflection and being self-critical. And they found that whenever this part of the brain goes offline, that's when the ego dissolves and you're able to connect with others more easily and you're able to create these new neural pathways. I found that fascinating.

Vanessa (16:18):

Well, it’s what you don’t want versus what you do want. So most people focus a lot on what didn't work, what they don't want and their problems. And so when they focus on that, they're feeding it with their energy. And so if you focus on your problems, you're going to have more problems. If you focus on what isn't working and what you don't want and everything that went wrong and every way that you've been hurt, you’re just going to attract more of that. And that's why therapy, as much as it can be cathartic and it can be helpful to some degree to have that awareness, but at some point it's like, you're actually fueling your issues by focusing on them and creating more and more neural pathways for all your issues.

You know, I've seen people go to therapy with family members and make their relationships a lot worse because they start focusing on everything on everyone's grievances. Right. And then it's just creating more and more neural pathways for that. Like all those memories focusing on all the negative things, which just makes the relationship worse because then suddenly, you don't even remember all of the good stuff. You're like, why am I even friends with this person? Or why do I even talk to him anymore? Versus coaching, which I think is much more forward thinking. What do you want to create? What kind of relationship do you want to have? How can we make that happen? It’s a lot about having the vision and living into that vision and seeing what's blocking you from that vision. So the past only matters as much as it's blocking you from creating what you want to create.

Taylor (17:47):

Right. And you mentioned hypnosis. So is that one of the major techniques that you use to actually induce this trance state and get to their subconscious mind so you can work in that state? Or how does it work?

Vanessa (18:04):

Sometimes. Sometimes I'll use hypnosis. Less so than I used to because I like getting people into a hypnosis state more in person and now all of my sessions are via Zoom. I'll do it once I get to know someone pretty well if they want it, but if they don't, I mean, then it can still work just with NLP. It’s just about trust and getting them to really open up and be open and and be willing to go to the uncomfortable places and take a different look at it. A lot of it is interactive exercises through NLP, and then I also am trained in Spiritual Psychology.

I did a two year master certification in Spiritual Psychology and that is encompassing so much more even than NLP; it’s basically the psychology of the soul. So it's a whole other level. With some things you just have to go spiritual. I mean, I've had clients come to me with really awful things. You know, with NLP, you could try to tell them, Oh, it's a limiting belief and get them to see it a different way. But there's some things are just really, truly awful. Someone who's been raped as a child, or I've had one client who’s sister killed herself, you know, things that were just really awful. That was where I realized, you have to go spiritual. When things are at that level, it's like the energetics of it and the spiritual perspective really makes a huge difference. And so I have that kind of training too, which is more energetic.

Taylor (19:42):

Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. I was going to say, I mean, I feel like obviously words and thoughts are powerful, but when something truly awful has happened and that's been driving your whole thought patterns for so many years, it would seem difficult to get out of that just through asking the right questions and having them rewrite their story.

Vanessa (20:02):

They don't want it. They don't want to let it go. Because on some level, there's some things that are very hard to just let go. That's why I like to have as many tools as possible. And I actually want to even get my doctorate in Consciousness because I find that that the more tools and the more I know, the more I can help different kinds of people who will process things differently. Some people are more auditory. Some people are more visual. Some people are more kinesthetic, so they're more in their body. I also do somatic work. And so there's a variety of different ways that people process and you know, a lot of my clients are very intellectual, but some are not, you know, they're more experiential; they want to like feel it, it's more somatic. So it just really depends.

Taylor (20:57):

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, there are the three different ways of seeing the world (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) so you can play with those modalities to change the experience, right? Can you give an example of how you would work with someone that's more visual than someone that's more auditory or kinesthetic. I’m just curious.

Vanessa (21:20):

I'll do a manifestation exercise and that'll be like getting them to really tap into their vision of what they want as if it's already happening. And this is very eye opening for them and for me, because some people will have a lot of trouble accessing what they want and some people will go right there and they'll know exactly what they want. I've had quite a few people cry of happiness, just letting them themselves experience what they've always dreamt of and denied themselves or believe that they couldn't have. And so when they actually live it and experience it, it's cathartic. And they cry tears of joy and it's such a beautiful experience.

Some people I noticed will be very tapped in visually. So it'll be a lot about what they see versus other people will be more about what they hear or what they're telling themselves in their own mind. And for other people it'll be more about what they're feeling. So it'll be a lot of like, “Oh, he's touching me” and “I’m feeling this” and they’ll go right to their feelings. And so that'll give me a lot of information. And so how I would then do other exercises would be geared to that. So, you know, different manifestation exercises, or even going into the past and going into memories that have been pivotal and we'll go into the memory and I'll elicit that memory. Like what did you hear? What were they saying? What was in your mind? You know, I'll make sure to elicit more of the things based on how they process.

Most of the time, it's not some horrible, big, traumatic thing. I'd say for most people, it's something really simple that they didn't even think was a big deal. It'll be like, their sister threw a tantrum and their parents punished them to not watch TV for a day. But for some reason they absorbed from that that they're bad. Something really simple that you're like, “Oh my God, I can't believe that was the moment that this belief came to me that I'm not good enough.” You know, a lot of the typical things are unworthiness, not good enough, and not deserving of what I want. Those are the two biggest blockers. But that will come usually not from super traumatic things, but it could be a moment where they see their parents fighting and they could be like, “Oh my God, I don't want to have a relationship. I don't ever want to be like that.” And so that will come and it’ll be in the subconscious, but then it stays with them. Then they start avoiding relationships subconsciously.

So we'll go into that memory, not so much to relive it, but more so to see it from a different perspective, because today they're much more enlightened and evolved. Most people that come to me have already done therapy, they're already pretty enlightened and evolved and they have a lot of tools today. But back when that memory came, they were different. They were, let's say five years old and they had no idea how to process it. And so they saw something and they processed it with what they could at the time with the tools they had, the resources they had at the time. So it's like revisiting that memory from a different perspective, changing the belief, changing how it's processed so that it gets wired differently. And then you wash over your life with these new beliefs. You spend your whole life in a new perspective.

Taylor (24:35):

Have you found that people can change their belief in an instant and it’s this new path for them? Or do you feel like people have to constantly remind themselves on a daily basis, “Okay, this is my new story. This is my new belief system.”

Vanessa (24:48):

I found that there's layers to it. I think for some people it can be in an instant, they can see a huge shift in an instant like, boom, there's a big opening and it depends how much they go into the exercise as well, how much they put into it. But they can have huge changes, energetically really quickly where I've had so many people tell clients of mine, like, “Oh my God, you're on fire. What have you done, did you get laser on your face? Or did you change your hair? You're so radiant!” So it's like their energy changes really quickly. And then from there to seeing the effect in their life, like actually manifesting a different reality or different kind of relationship, there's usually a lag like it might not be immediate. Sometimes it's immediate. Sometimes it takes a few months. Sometimes it takes a year for them to see the effect. But I'd say there's always levels.

So it's like, not just because you do this, like boom, you're cured and you're perfect and you have no more limiting beliefs and now your whole life is perfect forever. There's levels and levels and levels. And everybody has limiting beliefs and everyone has things that are blocking them. I mean, this year I've done a ton of work on unblocking myself from a limiting beliefs that were holding me back because I had a fear of like being seen and being on camera. And so what's manifested this year has blown my mind because now I've been featured in a bunch of magazines. I've been all these podcasts. I've been on TV and all these things that I would have been terrified to do a year ago, because I decided like, where's that coming from? Like where is all this fear coming from? And I hired a coach to help me to release those limiting beliefs.

Taylor (26:26):

You mentioned spiritual psychology and working with people more on the energetic level. A lot of past trauma, or even not trauma, just our past and memories hold energy in our bodies, right? Is that where the spiritual psychology comes in? Do you work with people on actually physically letting go of energy that's stored in the body? Is that how it works with that?

Vanessa (27:01):

That's part of it. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot to that. But yeah, I mean that's a part of it is in the physical body, but there are different bodies, you know, there's the emotional body, the spiritual body and the physical body. So I work with all the different levels basically on releasing whatever's been kind of stuck.

What causes chemistry and how to attract your ideal partner

Vanessa (27:30):

I want to say also, because I know we wanted to talk about the chemistry factor, right. Chemistry, you know, in relationships. I saw your article on chemistry, which I thought was really cool about the four different types of chemistry, which you have with your now fiancé which congratulations again! So in terms of chemistry all of this is related to that. The subconscious mind will one hundred percent affect who you feel chemistry with. And the reason for that is, and this is something you point out in your article, which I totally agree with, is that it's familiarity.

So your subconscious will always go for what's familiar and what it finds safe. Even if you had a perfect upbringing with your parents, having a perfect relationship and it's all exactly the way you want it then great, you're just going to be going for that again. But for most of us, most people don't have that, right? Like it's not exactly the way they want it, even if it was great, it's maybe not what you want. And so you keep going for it because it's familiar, even though it's not what you really want. And so this is where it's so important to rewire that so that you can be attracted and have chemistry with someone who is what you want. And the way to do that is through all this work of changing subconscious patterns.

I'll give an example of myself to bring it to life. I used to be really drawn to neurotic men. I loved neurotic men, like the more neurotic the better. It wasn't like I was consciously wanting neurotic men. It was like every guy I went for that I felt chemistry with was really neurotic. And, when I started doing this work, I realized my family, you know, is quite neurotic. They’re Jewish and they're very funny and I love them, but it's not the kind of guy that I want to end up being with because it was driving me crazy and there would be a lot of issues. It was like, “This is not how I want to live. I don't want to be with a neurotic man.” I always was helping them to see things better or to see things differently. I was trying to be the helper and I was getting value out of that. So I was feeling worthy because I was helping them with their issues. So that was kind of my dynamic. And that was what created the chemistry.

The minute that I realized that I was doing that and that I didn't want to do that, it was hard to change it, but then once I rewired it, I was like, Well actually, what do I want? I want a guy who has it together and who's calm and who can handle stuff, and who's going to be my rock, right. I'm neurotic enough. I don't need a more neurotic man. And I really quickly manifested my husband who is so different. He’s my rock and just so loving and so different in terms of his energy than any guy I dated before. Then I had to do work on my worthiness to be able to attract someone like him who had it together. I had to feel like my value is not just to help people with their issues; I can do that in my work. But a man can love me for so much more than just being a therapist, you know? So I stopped being into that. And so now it's like, my husband is more of my therapist than I am, and he's more evolved than I am, and I love that. I love that he helps me be a better version of myself versus dragging me down.

Taylor (31:01):

Yeah I think chemistry can be very complex. I mean, there's just a lot of different factors that go into why we feel attracted to someone. You know, there's the four different types of chemistry; physical or sexual chemistry, emotional chemistry, intellectual chemistry, and social chemistry. And you may have one, or you may have all four of these types of chemistry with your partner. Then within these four subsets of chemistry, then you have additional factors that play a role, like familiarity, communication styles, mystery, sincerity, humor, even the way that we smell can play a role!

There's so many different factors, but I think at the base of it, you're right, familiarity is a huge part. We find comfort in the familiar. We like knowing what to expect. We rarely like stepping out of our comfort zones, you know? You had the perfect example of this, but just to give another example, a woman growing up with a controlling father may be attracted to other controlling men not because she likes being controlled, but because it's what she considers familiar, or normal.

I believe another huge factor in what creates chemistry is energy. We're walking balls of energy. Like attracts like. When your frequency shines through, people and like-minded energy sources just naturally gravitate towards you. So that's why working on yourself and your energy is always the first step in… or it should always be the first step in attracting your ideal partner. That's why I see NLP as such a powerful tool just because you can change your energy through that type of training, and in turn attract a healthy partnership.

Vanessa (32:52):

We all vibrate at a frequency. I love that; we’re energy balls, we’re energy vibrating at a frequency. And so you're attracting your mirror. And also, however you speak to yourself, however you treat yourself, you're going to attract someone who speaks to you and treats you similarly as well. So it's so important how you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you see yourself, because that projects out and they’re going to be drawn to something similar, like not necessarily in every way, but energetically. It could be a ying and yang, but there will be a similar frequency. Like, if you're on, let's say fear radio, right? Like that's your channel. You're going to attract someone who is also on fear radio channel. Versus if you're on love radio channel, and that’s your frequency, you're going to attract love radio, someone who is also on that frequency. So it's so important how you see yourself, what you think of yourself, how you treat yourself, and what kind of self-talk you have going on.

Taylor (34:16):

Right. I think that was the most surprising thing in all of my research on chemistry and what creates chemistry was that! Our thoughts have the strongest and the fastest measurable wavelength, and so we attract people who have similar thoughts than we do. Which to me was just kind of like, oh wow, I have to be really careful about my self-talk and what's going on in my head.

Vanessa (34:46):

For most people it's like 90% negative, which is so sad. You know, for most people it's around 90% negative and then it repeats. It's like on repeat every day. And they're not even aware that they're telling themselves the same thing over and over and over again. And so then their brain is unconsciously looking for evidence of that. Like you, the subconscious mind wants to be right, and it's going to look for proof for what it believes. So it's an inside out thing. When you change what you believe in, you're looking for proof for that new belief. So if you believe there's no such thing as soulmates, and love doesn't exist, it’s all about money, everyone just is out for money or, it's just a financial contract, and I don't believe in marriage and you're telling yourself that no one really loves each other, and everyone has a terrible relationship, you will find evidence for that a hundred percent and you will find more, more and more things that will prove that you're right. (If you’re telling yourself) there’s no such thing as love and no such thing as soulmates, it'll be a self fulfilling prophecy. And when you believe that something is different, like truly believe, like, there is such a thing as true love, I know it's out there even if I haven't found it, like my person is out there and he's looking for me too, and you have that kind of energy and that kind of vibration around it, and if you don't have limiting beliefs, if you're really like fully aligned for it, it's a matter of time that you'll create it.

Taylor (36:14):

You'll find it. Right. That was the one thing I noticed in the 10 day silent meditation retreat… I saw a lot of the same thoughts coming up again and again. And you’re right, most of them were negative thoughts coming up, just on repeat. Then you become the witness consciousness, when you're observing your thoughts, not trying to suppress them, just observing them. But the most surprising thing was just how many of these thoughts kept coming and how quickly I was tempted to believe them! Until you actually get to this point where you're just aware, I guess that's the first step: becoming aware. And then the hard part is switching that dial so you can rewrite that story or turn off those thoughts and break free from these self-limiting beliefs and these stories that we tell ourselves. It’s a process.

Vanessa (37:17):

And every day is a new chance to do that right? Every day you can change it. Maybe you're 60 years old and your whole life you've been believing certain things, and today you decide. I've seen people do this, to make these changes, and to make the choice to see things differently and to change all of that. The older you are, the harder it is, but you still have neuroplasticity. You can still change it. You can still change your story. A quote I love is, “It's never too late to have a happy childhood.” So it's never too late to change the way you see things and change your story and therefore have a new possibility.

Matchmaking and the trend toward self-growth

Vanessa (38:23):

You do matchmaking or is your company a matchmaking company?

Taylor (38:33):

Yes. Ambiance Matchmaking.

Vanessa (23:39):

Wow. Well, first of all, what kind of clients come to you and how did you end up becoming a matchmaker? Like what made you want to be a matchmaker?

Taylor (38:43):

Yeah. So I co-founded Ambiance Matchmaking back in 2002 with Leslie Wardman. Leslie was working for this big international matchmaking company throughout the ‘90s and she wanted to create a more personalized boutique service. So she came to me and asked if I wanted to help her launch a matchmaking company. Honestly at the time I had no intention in working in the matchmaking industry, but I knew that I was good at taking an idea and turning it into a business. So, I was really excited by the possibility of it just because back then matchmaking was still in its infancy. So there was a lot of opportunity to grow and to expand which was really exciting.

And the type of clients that we work with… Well, a lot of our clients are CEOs, executives, founders, entrepreneurs, people that don't necessarily have time to go out every night and meet new people, and they don't want to use dating apps just because a lot of them are somewhat high-profile and they value their privacy. So matchmaking is just a more private and ideal way to meet someone. I'd say most of our clients are 30 to 49 years old, which wasn't always that way. Before most of our clients were in their 50s and 60s, but now that matchmaking has become more common and more widespread, especially through pop culture, like the Indian Matchmaker on Netflix or the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo, I feel like people are just catching on, which to me is kind of crazy because matchmaking is one of the most ancient careers in the world!

Vanessa (40:27):

Yeah. It's become trendy. Now it's like a cool thing to have a matchmaker and having a neuro-coach is like a status symbol. Versus before when it used to be kind of shameful to be doing personal development, or it was shameful to be seeking out help in any way. Now I feel like there's a badge of honor with it. At least in LA, New York, I feel like all the top cities are very much like, yeah, I have a coach, I have a matchmaker, I invest in myself. It's like actually a positive thing. It's like, yeah, I'm a badass.

Taylor (41:05):

Yeah, you’re right. I love hearing that self-growth is becoming so widespread and common. I feel like we're evolving as a species, which is exciting. I mean, it may not seem like that, but I feel like all the bad stuff has to come to the surface before a new consciousness can emerge. So I think we're going down the right path. I'm hopeful.

Yuga cycles and the emergence of a new consciousness

Vanessa (41:26):

I have a feeling. Yeah. I mean, it was predicted in my spirit psychology training. The teachers are very tapped in and tuned in to all kinds of things and super, super smart you know, PhDs, they’ve been studying this forever and they're now in their 70s or 80s. And they were saying, you know, this is the end. And I mean, they didn't predict it themselves. According to all the mystics and different ancient civilizations, like Hinduism and different mystical teachings, this is the end of a 20,000 year cycle (called a Yuga) and the beginning of a new one. I want to say a 20,000 or 25,000 year cycle. But it's like a huge end of, like what you're saying, kind of like the end of a lot of destruction to then have this rebirth and this new level of consciousness. I one hundred percent feel that. And I see that. And I feel like when all of this happened it was so prophetic. I was like, Oh my God, this is totally what they were talking about.

Taylor (42:36):

Right. Yes. I'm glad to hear that. That just confirms it because yeah, you can feel it. I mean, you can feel the energy getting more intense, but I think it depends which side of the spectrum you're on, you know, if you're more fear-based than you're going to feel more anxiety and more fear, but if you're on the side that's more hopeful and you believe in this new emergence of consciousness, then you're going to feel more passion and excitement. I have been feeling that a lot more lately.

Vanessa (43:01):

Yeah. I've been excited. I mean, even in the difficulty. like there's been challenge, but I actually think challenge is generally a good thing. So for me, this has been potentially the best year of my life in some ways even though it's been very challenging in some ways for me as well, it's been extremely challenging. So it's not that I haven't had challenge, I have, but I liked that. I like to some degree the growth opportunities and I feel like the tools I had equipped me for it.

Taylor (43:31):

Yeah. I agree. I feel like this has also been the most challenging, but rewarding year. I went down a very long spiritual path this year that opened up all of these different doors and there's no going back.

Vanessa (43:48):

That exciting. I feel you're not alone in that. I think a lot of people have gone down more of a spiritual path this year through all of this, because it has unearthed a lot for people that they were being distracted from and not facing. And then you were forced to face it. You’re really kind of forced to deal with your stuff because there was no distractions, you know, the usual distractions that we count. And also facing death with COVID and all that, it was a real facing of mortality. It's made a lot of people change where they live, change what they're doing in their career, get divorced or have a baby. I've just seen everyone having these big life changes. One person said she was just bored. Like, I know one girl was like, “I was just bored. I don't know what you're talking about. I've just been bored.”

Taylor (44:45):

It's so true. I've heard this year there's been the most divorces, marriages, and babies. It makes sense. It's been interesting to hear like all of my friends, how their relationships are going, and I don't know how you guys are, but we work together at home and so this wasn't much of a change. But it's been interesting to hear how my friends have been going through that. And they're like, “How did you do this? I don’t know how you were around your partner every day for so long!”

Vanessa (45:16):

We’re the lucky ones. I'm the same way. My husband and I both have our home offices. We have since before this. So it didn't really change things as much for us, but I was very out and about before, like I was much more social. And so that part was hard, not to have that social component because I would work from home, but then I'd go out at night or I'd see friends or travel or things like that. I mean, I've always been someone who loves adventure and so to not have that outlet and just be home all the time… I mean, I worked more than I've ever worked, which is probably why it's been really good for my business, but I’m usually someone who wants to do a million things and sometimes spread too thin, like want to do too many things and then end up not being able to focus. So this year really forced me to focus. So it's been good.

Hypnosis and accessing the quantum field

Taylor:

I wanted to touch on hypnotherapy because I know you use that in your work. I'm curious, in which cases would you use hypnotherapy and what are some of the common induction techniques that you would use?

Vanessa (46:15):

So hypnosis… your clients, do they ever find that they're stuck in certain patterns or that they're drawn to something that doesn't work?

Taylor (46:33):

Yeah. Yeah. I'd say some of our clients may not feel like they're worthy of love or that they're not worthy of the type of relationship that they deserve or they're stuck in this cycle of attracting non-ideal partners, you know, people that aren't good for them.

Vanessa (46:52):

So what I would do in terms of hypnosis… a lot of it is just getting into a meditative state. That's all it is. I mean, people think it's so much more than it is. All it is or the way I do it, is really just about getting you to a place where you're in between awake and asleep so that you're not so resistant. So your critical mind can't block things from coming through. So, you don't second guess yourself as much. You're not overthinking things as much as just getting really relaxed. It’s like a Zen yoga meditative state. So then you're able to just access things from the subconscious a lot easier. And you're able to also receive new messages a lot easier. So it's like when you're falling asleep and you watch TV, have you ever noticed how you'll probably dream about what you were watching when you fall asleep, or when you're reading something like an audio book and you fall asleep, you'll have a related dream. It's because that state of being between awake and asleep is when you're most receptive. That's when your critical mind shuts down and you're open to receiving a lot more. That's when things go a lot deeper. So it's just that; it just allows things to go deeper.

Taylor (48:06):

Okay. Got it. I don't know if you've heard of James Hardt, he's the founder of the Biocybernaut Institute in Arizona.At the center, they're doing neurofeedback training and actually training your brain to enter into these deep meditative states such as alpha and beta brainwaves, which are associated with more creativity, connection, love, you know, these higher frequency emotions and training your brain to move away from beta brainwaves, which are associated with lower frequency emotions, such as anger, jealousy, guilt, anxiety, fear. I was just listening to this podcast with him and Luke Storey where they were talking about some of the science behind it. It’s so fascinating. I love it.

For example, you know, they found that once you enter into a theta brainwave state that's where you have access to the quantum field. Okay. I'm going to geek out on some quantum physics here. The quantum field is this self-organizing intelligence, that's putting the material world into order and into form. And it's where your consciousness connects to greater levels of frequency and information. For example, whenever I was entering into these super deep meditative states in the silent meditation retreat, you know, I felt like I could access these higher frequencies and information that was in the quantum field, which I didn't have access to before. It's just kind of like this invisible field that's connecting all energy in the universe and connecting all of us as one as well.

The collective consciousness and “entanglement”

Vanessa (49:58):

Yes. I’ve just been reading about entanglement and all of that. I find it fascinating, but also very related to all of this. If a particle can vibrate at a certain frequency and then has an experience and somehow has a learning then another particle can have the same learning. I'm still learning about all of this, but I find it so fascinating because what that means is that there are other energies we're not seeing faster than the speed of light. And so if you can't go faster than the speed of light, that means that there is something that we're not seeing, that's connecting these entities so that they can have learnings at the same time. So if you have a learning that affects everyone to some degree, or if you raise your vibration, that affects everyone. So that's where the collective consciousness comes into play. And it's so interesting. If you just change your energy, that could be the best thing you're doing for all of mankind.

Taylor (51:07):

Have you read Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza? He was talking about that in the end of the book, the collective consciousness and how they were doing these community group meditations with one intention, for example, world peace, but they would have hundreds of thousands of people connect and do the meditations together. And then they would have scientists that actually would go in and measure, for example, the violence or how much war there was in the same time period, and it dramatically decreased after doing these collective meditations. It’s mind blowing, you know?

Vanessa (51:47):

Yeah. The next frontier is really the mind and what we can do with the mind. I think there's so much potential for how much we can shift things once we understand all of that. Some people will think that's woo-woo or they wont buy into that. Like I know a lot of people that don't buy into that kind of a thing, but I think it's a level of ignorance because there’s more and more evidence that all of that is true. I'm not in a place where I can lecture on it because I feel like I'm still understanding and learning about all of that so that I can eventually be able to speak about it with full confidence, because it's very technical, you know, but I understand it. I’ve read enough that I totally know it in my core and in every cell of my being knows that it's true. And, now I need to get to the place where I can really explain it to others so that other people can understand it, because I think it's the most life-changing information there is.

Taylor (52:49):

Right? Yeah. It's just like this new consciousness that's evolving.

Vanessa (52:55):

Better for you is better for me actually. More for you is more for me. So people that are living in this place of lack, where they're competitive and where they're trying to hurt others or put others down because it makes them feel better; they’re actually putting themselves down. It's like they're doing it to themselves and they don't even realize it.

Taylor (53:17):

Right. For sure. I don't want to take up too much of your time. I know you have to go in a few minutes, but I wanted to ask where people can find you if they’re interested in learning more about NLP and spiritual psychology and all of these amazing things that you're working on.

Vanessa (53:34):

Thank you. So my website is begravitas.com. My Instagram and my Facebook is the same @begravitas. And I'm actually hosting a free live webinar, which is like a masterclass for one hour. I'm doing both of these free masterclass trainings the week before Valentine's Day. I'll give that as a gift as well. And the website for that is neurolovecoach.com. The masterclass is “How to manifest your soulmate.” It works if you're single and it works if you are partnered and you want to manifest more of a soulmate relationship in your partner. I would love to see all of you there. And I’m so honored to be here talking with you and I feel like we could go on forever. We have so much synergy and just like a soul connection with you as well.

Taylor (54:46):

Aww yes I know! I'm so happy we connected. I think it's so funny how we're both here in Puerto Vallarta and we have all these things in common. Thank you for taking the time. It was really interesting. Let’s try to meet up before you leave.

Vanessa (55:03):

And you just got engaged! How perfect is that? That we're doing this right after you got engaged.

Taylor (55:09):

I know, it’s perfect. I love what you're doing. Keep it up. Thank you again. It was so nice getting to talk to you and meet you and everything.

Vanessa (55:15):

Thank you so much. This has been awesome.

Coming up on the next episode…

Taylor (55:19):

All right. That's it for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed this conversation just as much as I did. If you are interested in this free one hour live masterclass taught by Vanessa Ringel on how to neuro-coach yourself to manifest your soulmate, go ahead and head over to neurolovecoach.com to reserve your spot. Trust me guys, you won't want to miss this class. It's going to be jam packed with all of her tips and tricks to neuro-coach yourself. I’m going to be there and I hope to see you guys there too!

Stay tuned for the next episode where I dive even deeper into the topic of romantic chemistry. I pull in a few of my close friends to find out what is this intangible, unspoken, energetic thing we call chemistry?! I even have my fiancé Diego on the show. Yes. You heard that right.I am engaged as of last week and he is coming on the show to discuss what kind of chemistry we felt when we first met and how we have been able to maintain that chemistry. It's a very personal episode that gives a sneak peek into my personal life. So I'm really excited to share that with you guys.

This is episode number seven of the date smart podcast. This podcast was hosted by me, Taylor Wade, and is brought to you by Ambiance Matchmaking, an exclusive matchmaking agency for selective singles. Complete an application.

Hit subscribe to get notified. When new episodes come out. You can subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review. It helps others find our show. Follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at @ambiancematch. And we'll see you guys next time!