To succeed in dating, you must commit to the dating process. Halfheartedness won’t work. In fact, it won’t even get you halfway. If you want to ace a test, you study. If you want to win a tennis championship, you train. If you want to learn a new language, you practice. Your dating life shouldn’t be treated any different. If you want to find the right relationship, you prepare, and you commit. Below, I outline the 17 most important components for preparing yourself for a successful relationship, and how to commit to the process.
1. SET GOALS
Make it a goal to create the relationship you want. The act of goal-setting itself is a rewarding exercise. Take it a step further by using affirmations to draw your goal into your life. The use of affirmations involves three components: concise choice of positive words, clear visualization, and a corresponding feeling. To learn more about how to use affirmations to achieve your dating goals, read our article, Why You Keep Dating The Same Type Of Person.
2. ELIMINATE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
90% of communication is non-verbal. Body posture, gestures and tone of voice are all signals that others pick up naturally and rapidly. For every thought you have, there’s a physiological reaction. This is why eliminating negative thought patterns is so important. Become aware of the signals you are sending. Desperation, for example, comes through in non-verbal communication. Send the message that you want to be in a relationship, not that you have to be in a relationship.
3. PREPARE FOR REJECTION
“You learn more from failure than from success; don’t let it stop you. Failure builds character.”
Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point. It's better to understand and accept that rejection is a part of dating before it happens and leaves you devastated. Why is rejection inevitable? The world is made up of very unique and different people, that have very different mindsets and characteristics. Only people with positive chemistry are drawn to one another, and those with negative chemistry repel one another. It’s actually a good thing that the world is made up of such diversity. Wouldn’t it be so boring if we were all alike? Read our article, Romantic Chemistry Explained, to understand how chemistry works.
4. PRACTICE HAPPINESS
The old adage, "You must love yourself before loving another" is ubiquitous for a reason. In order to truly make another person happy, you must feel that happiness radiate within yourself first. Most look outward to material success or wealth, or to their relationships, to find happiness, however, happiness is a practice that accumulates with each positive thought, spoken word, action, and habit. Start practicing your happiness today.
5. LOOK AND FEEL GOOD
Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health blogs/books, eat more veggies, drink lots of water, cutback on alcohol, get enough sleep. Throw out old clothes and buy must-have quality pieces that make you feel like a million dollars. Get your hair cut or styled. Start a new beauty regime of taking care of your skin. When you start taking care of yourself, you feel a million times more confident about yourself, and that shows in your dating life. Our favorite health and beauty blog is goop. You can also download the goop podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
6. DITCH YOUR BAGGAGE
Each person has a certain amount of baggage. For example, your boyfriend asks you to move-in with him and you immediately flash back to your last co-habitation experience with your ex which was a disaster. It doesn't mean this scenario is going to play out the same way. Ditch your past and perceive your new relationship with a fresh pair of eyes.
7. BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR SKIN
When people are open, comfortable with themselves, and feel mutual trust, it allows human connection and romantic chemistry to occur more easily. This is because when people are comfortable in their skin, they are more adept at expressing their true self to the world, which makes it easier to get to know them, even if perspectives on important matters differ. Practice being comfortable in your own skin by not hyper-focusing on your behavior and eliminating negative self-talk.
“When people are open, comfortable with themselves, and feel mutual trust, it allows human connection and romantic chemistry to occur more easily. This is because when people are comfortable in their skin, they are more adept at expressing their true self to the world, which makes it easier to get to know them, even if perspectives on important matters differ. ”
8. EVALUATE PAST RELATIONSHIPS
This can be a very useful tool if you take the time and do it properly. Determine what caused your past relationships to end. Many of us have a very selective and subjective memory, so the most important part of this task is to look at things objectively and honestly. Afterward, decipher how you can learn from your mistakes and improve in your next relationship.
9. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
In our article, Why Am I Still Single, Author Mark Manson points out that he once met a woman who was unhealthy and overweight and, with a straight face, stated that she would only consider dating a man if he had six-pack abs (unsurprisingly, she was still single). He goes on to state, "Intimacy and romance is determined by people who have comparable and complementary imperfections to one another." In other words, keep it real.
10. HAVE A LIFE
Have you ever wondered why a man will pursue you with vigor in the early stages of dating, then as soon as you decide you really like him, he backs off? This usually happens because women bend over backward in order to accommodate the man in their lives. Remember that chemistry can happen instantaneously, but deep feelings and emotions need time to develop. Take the time to get to know your date before you jump all in. Make sure he or she is worthy of your time and investing of your emotions. And remember, never abandon values to accommodate someone.
11. CONTINUALLY LEARN AND GROW
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so you better try to make yourself as interesting as possible. When you are continually learning and developing new skills, passions, and goals, you are sharper, more alert, and happier, thus growing your confidence and attracting others toward you.
“The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so you better try to make yourself as interesting as possible. ”
12. MAKE TIME FOR SOCIALIZING
Look at your life and ask yourself if you’re leaving time to meet someone. It's difficult to meet dating prospects when you work from home and never leave the house. I've found that it's much easier to meet people when you are regularly involved in an activity. For example, join a book club or sign-up for a tennis league that meets weekly. Even if the group doesn't present a love interest, you will form friendships and widen your social circle, making it easier to meet people you wouldn't normally meet.
13. THROW OUT YOUR LIST
Discard your perfect partner list and see to whom you naturally gravitate. Many people treat dating as a job interview. Your date has to present his or her qualifications which are either ticked off like boxes on a checklist or marked out with a red ink pen. Having standards for what you want in a relationship is a good thing, but not when it gets in the way of a potentially exceptional match. Is he two inches shorter than your perfect 6'1" dream guy? Is he six years older rather than the four year age gap you imagined? Be open-minded and give it a shot. You may be surprised what you find.
14. KEEP GOOD COMPANY
“Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.”
The people with whom you surround yourself have a tremendous impact on your life. Ensure that your friends, whether single or coupled, are acting as a strong support system during your search. Only accept encouragement, constructive advice, and motivation. If a friendship doesn't foster these types of habits, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. And, never keep friends who are negative about love and relationships. This will only sabotage your efforts.
15. COMMIT TO NOT GIVE UP
Make an agreement with yourself right now. No matter what happens, or how long it takes, you won't give up on finding the right person. Every experience is a chance to learn more about yourself and to grow in your character and understanding in love and life. Commit to never give up, and it will pay off in the end.
16. TAKE TIME OFF
Take occasional breaks from dating if it's causing fatigue. Recharge your batteries by taking time for yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Instead of scheduling a date, read your favorite book or take a fun class. The most important thing is to keep your confidence and optimism levels high. Dating in phases is necessary for most people.
17. ENJOY DATING FOR WHAT IT IS, DATING.
Dating is the act of spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger role in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may find one or two fabulous people along the way. You would be surprised how dating can open up different opportunities, not only in love, but in friendships and career paths.
Are you ready to start dating? Apply to Ambiance Matchmaking to see if using a professional matchmaker is the right option for you.