Hey there.
So it’s that time again — new year, fresh starts, all that shiny hopeful energy floating around. You’ve probably thought about your own goals: maybe drinking less coffee (good luck), finally using that gym membership, reading more books.
But have you stopped to think about your relationship goals?
I don’t mean the vague “be happier together” stuff. I mean real, tangible, doable things that can actually change how you and your partner connect this year.
I’ve been with my person for over a decade, and let me tell you — the years we sat down and made actual plans for us were the years we felt strongest. The years we just… drifted? Well, we felt it.
So grab your partner, maybe a cup of tea or a glass of wine, and consider these resolutions. Not as homework, but as a loving upgrade.
1. Stop Multitasking During “Us” Time
You know what I’m talking about. You’re on the couch together, but you’re scrolling Instagram while half-watching a show. He’s checking sports scores. You’re both in the same room but… you’re not together.
This year, make a rule: for at least 30 minutes a day, no phones, no distractions. Just talk. Or sit in silence. Or actually watch that show and laugh at the same parts.
It sounds simple. But in today’s world, giving someone your full attention is one of the most profound gifts you can give.
2. Learn How to Fight Better
All couples argue. That’s normal. But do you argue in a way that leaves you feeling closer… or just drained?
This year, try these two rules we swear by:
- No “kitchen sinking.” That’s when you bring up everything — last month’s disagreement, how they never do the dishes, that thing they said in 2019. Stick to one issue at a time. It’s not a courtroom; it’s a conversation.
- No yelling after 9 PM. Seriously. Nothing good happens when you’re exhausted. If it’s late and tensions rise, say, “I love you, and this is important. Can we please sleep on it and talk in the morning over coffee?” Then actually do it.
Fighting fair isn’t about winning. It’s about understanding.
3. Bring Back the Weird, Fun, Silly Stuff
Remember early on, when you’d send stupid memes, have dance parties in the kitchen, or try to cook a new recipe and totally burn it?
Where did that go?
Life gets busy. Bills, work, chores — it piles up. But joy is a choice. This year, make a “Fun List” together. Write down small, silly things you want to do:
- Go to a cheap diner and only order dessert.
- Have a board game night (competitively!).
- Recreate your first date.
- Take a silly class together, like pottery or axe throwing (safely, please).
Laughter is glue. Never underestimate it.
4. Say “Thank You” for the Ordinary Things
We say thanks when they do something big — plan a trip, fix the car. But what about the daily stuff?
Thank them for making the bed. For taking the trash out without being asked. For how they make your coffee just right.
Verbalizing gratitude for the mundane changes the atmosphere in your home. It turns chores into contributions, and routines into small acts of love.
Try it for a week. You’ll notice the shift.
5. Have Separate Hobbies (And Encourage Them!)
This one feels counterintuitive, but trust me. You need a life outside your relationship to have a healthy relationship.
If all you talk about is “us,” you’ll run out of things to say.
Encourage your partner to go fishing with their friends. You take that yoga class. Read different books. Follow your own curiosity.
Then come home and tell each other about it. You’ll have new stories, new energy, and you’ll remember why you fell for this interesting, multi-dimensional person in the first place.
6. Check In — Like, Really Check In
Once a month, have a “State of the Union” chat. Not a scary, formal meeting. Maybe over a walk or a casual breakfast.
Ask each other:
- What’s something I did recently that made you feel loved?
- Is there anything you’ve been needing more of from me?
- What’s one small thing we could do next month to feel more connected?
Keep it gentle. Keep it curious. This isn’t about performance reviews; it’s about tuning in.
The Real Secret? Start Small
Don’t try to do all of these at once. That’s a recipe for quitting by February.
Pick one. Just one that feels right for where you two are right now. Try it for a month. See how it feels.
The goal isn’t a perfect relationship — that doesn’t exist. The goal is a growing one. One that feels intentional, kind, and alive.
Here’s to your year ahead — may it be your most connected yet.
Talk soon,
A friend who’s been there
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