Chapter 4: How To Screen Your Matchmaker (Question Checklist)
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To ensure you choose the right matchmaker, it’s important to ask the right questions during your consultation. As we mentioned in chapter three, hiring the perfect matchmaker for your needs may depend on individual preferences, such as geography, ethnicity, religion, and price point. However, there are key elements that you should keep in mind when selecting a matchmaker. In this chapter, we outline the most important questions you should ask your potential matchmaker.
Who will I be working with?
Make sure that you will be working directly with your matchmaker, or with someone that works alongside your matchmaker. Many times, a matchmaker will have an assistant or coordinator who will be your point of contact. It’s fine as long as you know your matchmaker is the one making the matches, and that you can speak with your matchmaker when needed.
How long have you been in business?
As a general rule of thumb, it’s best to choose a matchmaker that has been in business for at least 5-10 years. Always choose a matchmaker with years of experience rather than a certificate or “training.” The matchmaking industry does not have any sort of required training program or certificate, so you will have to rely on the number of years in business and reviews and testimonials.
What is the male-to-female ratio? What are your most common age categories?
This is an important question, however, remember there are two different business models in the matchmaking industry. Some matchmakers only work with a few male clients per year with a very large database of women, while other matchmakers accept an equal number of men and women. However, ideally, the male-to-female ratio should stay close to 50/50 and your preferred age range should comprise at least 25% of the client base. Possibly a more important and telling question might be, “Who is your typical client?” Your matchmaker should be able to tell you what kind of singles they cater to. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking caters to “conscious leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs” which means we work with industry leaders who are dedicated to self-growth. They are self-aware, emotionally available, and ready to enter into a committed relationship.
Do you offer an on-hold feature?
Always choose a matchmaker that allows members to put their membership “on hold.” This means that when you meet someone you'd like to date exclusively, you can freeze your membership while exploring a relationship with that person. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking allows its members to freeze their accounts as many times as they would like (and for any reason) during the duration of their membership without losing time or matches.
How often will I have matches, and is there a feedback process?
Ideally, you should receive a minimum of one match per month. A quality match is someone that falls within the search parameters discussed during your interview. Furthermore, there should be a system in place where you give feedback after each match to sharpen the matchmaking process and ensure you and your matchmaker are on the same page.
How do you screen your clients?
Your matchmaker should have an in-depth screening process in place and should be able to tell you exactly what that looks like. You are investing in a matchmaking service to meet qualified individuals, and you want to make sure your matchmaker does his or her homework, so you don’t have to worry. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking has an initial application, a 60-minute in-person or video interview, and background checks for all clients and potential matches for our clients.
Do you personally interview all clients?
Make sure your matchmaker interviews all clients, either in-person or via video call (ie: Zoom or Skype). This is to ensure that all clients are really who they say they are and that your matchmaker knows every one of its members to match effectively. As we all know, someone may look great on paper but once you meet them in person (or via video call), you can see their mannerisms, energy, and other subtle, but extremely important, characteristics. Side note: Video interviews can be just as effective as in-person meetings as you can see the intimate details of someone's home such as art and decor.
Where do you source your matches?
It’s important to know where your matchmaker will source matches for clients. Again, this varies depending on which matchmaker you choose. Companies that haven’t been in business for very long (less than 5-10 years) will normally rely on their networks or social networking sites. As an example, Ambiance Matchmaking uses a combination of sources, including our own Singles Database (built over 20 years), Private Matchmakers Network (a network of the best 140 matchmakers in the world), recruiters, and our Ambiance Digital Recruitment™ program.
How familiar are you with my city?
Your matchmaker must be familiar with your city. Every city has its dating environment and culture which affects the dating experience. For example, Chicago has a strong family-oriented culture which influences singles wanting to start a family sooner, as opposed to a city like San Francisco which is home to many transplants (singles moving away from their families). Furthermore, your matchmaker must be familiar with the geography and traffic of your city when it comes to arranging your dates. It's not much fun when your matchmaker coordinates your date on the other side of town during 5:00 traffic, is it?
What are your costs?
Your matchmaker should be upfront about their company policies and pricing in your interview. At Ambiance Matchmaking, we are very transparent and will discuss our policies and pricing at any point during your interview. Furthermore, we don’t encourage people to sign an agreement on the spot unless we feel they are truly ready to make an investment in this very important area of their lives.
Can you tell me about your matchmaking process?
Experienced matchmakers will be able to give you a very thorough description of their matchmaking process. Ask them, “What are the most important matching qualities?” or “What constitutes a successful match?” You should be able to understand what they look for when matching two people, and how they determine a “successful match.” Leslie Wardman, Founder & Matchmaker of Ambiance Matchmaking says, “There are very important matching qualities that will determine whether or not a match is successful. First and foremost, their upbringing (how they were raised) always plays a role in how someone shows up in the relationship. Second, timing (where that person is in their life). Third, energy (that feeling you get when you are in their presence). Appearance and how two people look together also play a role (attractiveness, health, diet, lifestyle). There’s a lot more that goes into it, but these are essential.”
May I review the agreement? Do you guarantee matches? How long do I have to wait before I meet my first match?
You should be able to review the agreement before committing. Make sure you are comfortable with the terms and conditions. Ensure the matchmaker can guarantee matches that fall within the parameters of your interview. However, no matchmaker can guarantee love or marriage. If they do, we recommend avoiding that matchmaker. Some matchmakers will immediately start to get ideas for matches during your interview and may even offer to send you brief profiles of these potential matches. Matchmakers with more private and discreet clients may not. Some matchmakers will have many possible matches already in their singles database, while other matchmakers will search outside of their database specifically for you. This brings up another point. Most contracts will state the time length between the signing of the agreement and your first match. Some promise the first match to occur within 1-4 weeks of signing the agreement, while others state there is a waiting period of 3-6 months while they perform a search.
What is your success rate? How do you measure success?
This is a tricky question, but we felt we had to address it because it comes up so often. Matchmakers may claim success rates, but they may not be 100% accurate. To have a completely accurate success rate, the matchmaking agency would have to track every single client up until the present day (engagements, marriages, divorces, etc), and many matchmakers simply don’t do this. However, it can be helpful to ask how they measure success, and if they have any success rate statistics. They may measure success by how many first dates lead to second dates, how many marriages have taken place, and how many of those marriages have stayed together. At Ambiance Matchmaking, we attempt to track all of the above. These are our stats: 90% of first dates lead to second dates (this is the easiest statistic to measure), and all of our married couples are still together to this day. The reason we don’t have exact marriage statistics is that we aren’t informed of all engagements and marriages. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking was informed of client marriages from outside sources just recently. Facebook notified us of one of our happily married couples, and a restaurant owner informed us of another. Needless to say, it is very difficult to track everything.
Who is your typical client?
Normally, a matchmaking agency will attract a certain type of person. Some matchmaking agencies cater to specific cultures, ethnicities, and religions. Low-end or high-end matchmaking agencies will attract a certain type of person. The matchmaking agency’s values and ethos will also attract a certain type of person. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking is a high-end matchmaking agency that values cultural, ethnic, and religious diversity. What’s more important to us, is that every single member is ready to enter into a committed relationship. This means they have their “ducks in a row.” They are educated, passionate about their life, and have done “the work” to become self-aware and are dedicated to self-growth. Our clients are ready to enter into a committed relationship and/or marriage.