Chapter 5: How Does Matchmaking Work?
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The matchmaking process can be both exciting and enlightening. While the process may slightly differ depending on which company you choose, the core process is generally the same. Here’s how it works.
Screening
Professional matchmakers, especially more exclusive and personalized matchmakers, will have a screening phase. During this step, matchmakers can decipher if the applicant has the basic requirements to be accepted as a client. The screening process may look different depending on the company you choose. At Ambiance Matchmaking, the screening process includes an initial application followed by a second round of more personal questions. Another reason for the screening phase is to see if the matchmaker has potential matches, or has the resources to search for the potential client. The screening phase is very important for professional matchmakers because otherwise, time could be wasted for both parties during the next step in the process; the interview.
The Interview
If the matchmaker decides the applicant meets the basic requirements, he or she will be invited for an interview that normally lasts 60-90 minutes. Some matchmakers charge a fee for this interview to make sure applicants are serious and also because interviews take a lot of the matchmaker's time. The interview should be held in person or via a video call (ie: Zoom). During the interview, you should be asked many questions relating to your upbringing, family values, career plans, lifestyle, religion, past relationships, what's important to you in your next relationship, and what kind of future you envision for yourself and your partner.
The Agreement
If the applicant and matchmaker decide to move forward and work together, there should be an agreement that is discussed and signed before beginning the membership. Normally, membership agreements will last between 12 and 18 months and will guarantee a minimum of 1-2 matches per month. However, there are many different types of agreements varying in length and number of matches. The agreement should always state that matches will always meet the client’s search parameters discussed during the interview. For example, if the applicant is not flexible about finding a match who is vegetarian, his match should only be vegetarian. Make sure these non-negotiables are discussed in your interview with your matchmaker. Commonly, agreements will state a no-refund policy, though some matchmakers will allow partial refunds. This is also the point of the process where some matchmakers may conduct background checks. At Ambiance Matchmaking, we always inform the applicant we will conduct a background check at this point in the process.
The Search
Following a signed agreement, your matchmaker will begin searching for your matches within the company’s singles database or network. Matchmakers have many different methods for finding candidates and should always be upfront about it. Some matchmakers rely on attending social and networking events to recruit candidates. Others use digital search methods, such as scouring online dating and social networking sites. A few of the most established matchmakers have their own singles database which includes hundreds (or thousands) of qualified singles. However, make sure the database is updated frequently. Many matchmakers claim to have “thousands of singles” in their database, yet their database is outdated and therefore many of the singles aren’t single any longer. At Ambiance Matchmaking, we keep our singles database updated weekly. Established matchmakers may also have access to other matchmaker databases, similar to a referral system. For example, Ambiance Matchmaking has created its Private Matchmaker Database by inviting 140 of the world’s most experienced matchmakers. This database is completely private and confidential.
The Match
Once your matchmaker has performed a search, you will begin meeting your matches. Normally your matchmaker, or a client coordinator, will contact you to describe your first match. Normally, only basic information is shared, such as first name, age, height, hair and eye color, occupation, education, hobbies, and why you’re a good match. Sometimes matchmakers have a no-photo policy, meaning they are not allowed to show photos of your matches, and first dates will always be blind. However, some matchmakers do show photos, especially if geography is involved and you are traveling a long distance to meet your match. Some matchmakers allow clients to contact one another via phone to schedule their date, while other more personalized matchmakers will arrange everything for you. For example, at Ambiance Matchmaking, we partner with some of the best cafes and restaurants across the United States in order to arrange our clients’ dates. We organize everything, our clients just have to show up and enjoy.
Feedback
After the match, there should always be a step where the client can give feedback on their match to improve the matchmaking process. Keep in mind, the matchmaking process is a process. It involves your matchmaker getting to know you and what you need in a life partner through a series of stages, including the dating stage. Many people expect to find their life partner on the first date when in reality, it can take time and patience. This is why most memberships can last up to 12 or 18 months. Following each match, you must give feedback to your point of contact. Be as open and honest as possible. You should be asked questions like, What did you like about your match? What would you like us to focus on for your next match? This part of the matchmaking process can be very enlightening for people, as they may even notice things about themselves or what they need in a partner that wasn’t obvious before.
On-Hold Feature
Your matchmaker must offer an “on-hold” or “account freezing” feature that allows you to freeze your membership as many times as you’d like during your membership. This allows you to explore the possibility of relationships with your matches. For example, if you meet someone you like, you can freeze your membership and date this person exclusively. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, you can pick up your membership where you left off without losing time or matches.